Haha. I think its suay-ness that my machine broke down and even the gold target broke. Today, I thought that I was saved when I realised there is another machine in school that I could use to deposit gold. Haha.. Yet, it was upsetting again. I would need to provide my own gold. LOL. So I am back to square one.

A conversation I had with my frd yday, after lunch.
G: HL, I like talking to you.
Me: Y? Cuz I am as weird as you? Hahhaa.
G: Hahaha. No la. Its bcuz you always luff, luff, luff. Thats y i enjoy talking to you. You seem very positive and cheerful.
Me: Hahaaha... Orh oki.

He is not the only one who told me this. Do I really appear very cheerful? Hahaha. Maybe I just don't show my unhappiness in front of you. That's why you think tt I am cheerful. Or maybe when I say about my problems (eg, the FYP), I said them with smiles, thats why, you think that I am cheerful. I said them with smiles because I know even though if I show my unhappiness, nothing would be changed. So I will just smile. Deep down, I am worried but at the same time, feeling numb, as it hasn't been smooth-sailing ever since I started my fyp. Maybe the smile I have is to cover the fear in me. Maybe you are just more depressed than me that's why you think I am cheerful. I smiled and said positive things because if you complained and I joined in, in complaining, I guess the whole conversation will be a very depressing onez. This could probably leave the 2 of us feeling VERY MOODY. Thats y, I said positive things to cheer you up. Maybe the smiles I have and the positive stuff I say cause everyone to think that I am a very cheerful person. LOL. Probably, I am a cheerful person, just that I didn't realise it.

Something farni happened yday which made me v malu. Haha. In yday's tut, I was sitting in front. I was noting down whatever the french tutor had said. He paused suddenly but I continued looking at the paper. Suddenly, the french tutor asked, ' Are you slping?' I looked up wondering who was he talking to. When I looked up, he was looking at me. He asked again, ' Are you slping?' I didn't reply him and kept looking at him, as I didn't know he was really referring to me ( my initial thot was, I wasn't slping wat, y would he ask me). He then imitated what I did (head down and hand with pen on the foldable desk) and continued to say that its ok to slp in his tutorial, esp when you are sick .... etc etc etc..... Then he continued with his lesson. However, the fact is I wasn't slping lo. His accent requires high concentration for me to understand well, of cuz I wouldn't slp la... I also wouldn't fall asleep when I was just sitting right in front of him right! Furthermore, its just not me to fall asleep in class!!! If I realised earlier that he was talking to me, I would have rebutted him.

A small incident that also happened in sch today. I was very bz today and went to the tut late. My frds thot that I wouldn't be attending tut so they did not reserve a seat for me. I was ok with it cuz i feel tt it doesnt matter where I sit as long as I did attend the tut. As I was sitting alone, a friend came in front and sat with me (She was sitting beside my other frds).I feel that it was a nice gesture for her to come over. I felt touched.

After the tut, my other frds (who doesn't really like her) came over and explained as to why they din save a seat for me. They also push the blame to the frd who sat beside me and said that she was guilty to have sat on my place, that was why she shifted in front. However, I don't feel that way.

Hmm.. sometimes I don't understand why ppl like to complicate things. Or maybe, you would think that I am too simple-minded.

-Hong-